LolStory Continued!

Honestly I hadn't intended on continuing to write this story, as I had no idea of where to go with it and wrote it on a whim. But people seemed to like it, so here's part two.

LolStory Pt. 2
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The phone had hidden itself quite well. Five additional minutes of searching produced no results. During this time, it had tauntingly buzzed again. The sound sent Robbie into a frenzy. Two text messages? As far as he knew, they could be from two different people! And one of them may be an attractive girl!

Robbie was a big fan of attractive girls.

Attractive girls were not a big fan of Robbie. They could not even be said to be casual supporters of Robbie. In all fairness, a vast majority of attractive girls at Robbie’s school were not aware that Robbie, was, well, alive. When he came up in conversation, they typically assumed that their friends had misspoken and were in fact conversing about the school mascot, an ancient bulldog named Moby¹. Why the bulldog was named Moby, or why the school mascot was a bulldog for that matter, is not known. This is especially confusing considering that Robbie’s school, Brooks College, had been known as the Fighting Eagles since 1947.

After ten minutes of frantic searching, the cell phone firmly remained in purgatory. At this point, Robbie’s fatigued brain exasperatedly provided him with the idea that should have occurred to him a good half hour prior—simply call his phone and locate where the rings are coming from.

Robbie spent the next ten minutes working out the logistics of how he was going to call his phone when he did not know where his phone was. He would not look back at these moments proudly.

“Hey, Amir.” He punched his sleeping roommate. “I need your phone.”

Amir was Robbie’s roommate. He wasn’t a big fan of Robbie either.

“Your mom needs my phone.” He was, however, a big fan of your mom jokes. This probably explains why nobody liked Amir. Robbie often fantasized of killing Amir and using his bed for storage.

“That doesn’t even make sense.”

“Sure it does. The phone’s my penis.”

Robbie considered this. “Why is your phone a penis?”

“Why not?”

He had a point. “Just give me your phone.”

“I left it at Rebecca’s.” Amir did not know anyone named Rebecca, and if he had she would not let him into her home. His phone was actually lying on his nightstand approximately 8 inches away, but Amir was not in a helpful mood.

“You don’t know anyone named Rebecca.”

“Sure I do. I met her at a party.”

“You don’t get invited to parties.”

Before Amir went back to sleep, he advised Robbie to perform a series of complicated actions involving his internal organs, characters from the cartoon Dilbert, and a box of Lucky Charms. Robbie could only assume he was speaking rhetorically.

The cell phone was underneath his mattress. He had two new text messages. And they were both from girls.

The first was from his ex-girlfriend, Judy. It read:

Rob, I’m so lonely. I don’t know how to tell you this, but I’ve missed you so badly it hurts. You were such a great boyfriend, and you were awesome in the sack. Please tell me where I can meet you. I need to have you right now. I can’t wait any longer. Judy.

Robbie understood her pain. He had always known she would come back before long. He was that good in the sack.

Humming contently, he got dressed, applied Irish Fresh scented deodorant, brushed his teeth, impaled Amir with an emerald-crusted broadsword, and left to go satisfy the lovely Judy Wooden.

It might be pertinent to mention at this point that Robbie is dreaming.

He had fallen asleep on the floor of his dorm five minutes prior, his exhausted body, deprived of sleep for over two days, reaching the conclusion that it had had quite enough of this shit.

Reflecting upon his dream later, Robbie had to admit that it went downhill when Judy had turned into a dolphin and swam off in search of fresh mackerel.



¹One could convincingly argue that Robbie’s propensity for engaging in actions often associated with aging canines made him deserving to be mistaken for Moby in this manner.
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Okay I'm officially enjoying writing this enough that I will keep going if you guys will bear with me. Thanks for reading, hope you're having a great summer.

-- Justin