Have We Graduated Yet?

Crescent Valley High School is a unique and wonderful place. Not only is it stuffed-to-bursting with some of the brightest minds in the country, but it also boasts an outstanding music program, championship-caliber sports teams, and a total and obscene lack of ethnic diversity. Memories of this school's magical intrinsic beauty is held forever in the hearts of the students lucky enough to attend this prestigious institution.

The notable exceptions being the nearly graduated second-semester Seniors, who can't wait to get the heck out of the place.

Seriously, I can't tell you how many times in the last month I've heard a fellow Senior say, "I'm tired of high school," with an expression of bitter pessimism and woeful discontent upon their face. If I had to give a rough guess of what sort of experience could produce a similarly glum look, I'd say...being forced to watch an entire season of Deal or No Deal in one sitting.

Meet Howie Mandel. He has a soul patch, and he knows where you live.

So the question is, "Why are we all so tired of this school?"

I'm not going to pretend like I have all the answers--Okay, fine, I'm going to pretend like I have all the answers. Egotistical? Yes. But regrettably, blogging does require a certain level of scornful pretentiousness. So sit down and shut up, you ignorant snot-nosed monkey-faced twit, I'm about to lay down some knowledge!

Yes, I'm talking to you. What--you're leaving? No, baby, don't go! I didn't mean it! I was just trying to be funny by--I know it wasn't funny, and I'm sorry! I can change! I--don't you dare close your browser! You close your browser and it's over! Baby, please! We're stronger than this! *click* Nooooo!

...Yeah, not sure what that was. Moving on, here's my list of the pros and the cons of attending Crescent Valley right now as a second-semester senior!

PROS
-- You have more off-blocks than you've ever had--unless you're Eric Fang (see below), who somehow managed to have none this year until recently. Hooray for stereotypes!

-- You count classes such as Outdoor Rec, Creative Writing, Advisor, AP Enviromental Science, etc. as off-blocks. Bonus blocks!

-- Friends are fun to have around. Best friends are pretty awesome. Super best friends come on a little strong. Stalkers are bad news. Stay in school, kids.

-- If you play a varsity sport, you can finally break that heartfelt promise to yourself from four years back and participate in some good ol' fashioned freshman hazing.

-- You now care a lot less about what people think about you, which is good because they don't give a &#$% about you either.

CONS
-- High School is not college.

-- High School consists mostly of people you've known since you were five. Nothing against these people, but you know how you get a new toy for Christmas when you're five and you think it's great and play with it all the time? And then when you're 18 it's not exactly fun to play with anymore? Yeah.

-- We've been in school, going to class for nine months a year for 13 years. Please make it stop.

-- High School is not college.

Well that's it for me. Today, I want each and every one of you to tell your loved ones that they are, in fact, your loved ones. Unless your loved ones don't know who you are, which in case you should probably stop following them around. Howie Mandel doesn't like competition.

-- Justin